Customers say
Customers find the book insightful and helpful for self-care. They describe it as a refreshing and necessary read with simple language that’s easy to understand. The author is described as compassionate and kind, approaching the audience with humility and relatability. Readers appreciate the narrative style as incisive and encouraging, not superficial. Overall, they praise the pacing and examples throughout the book for setting and maintaining boundaries.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
National Bestseller featured by Good Morning America, NPR’s Code Switch, The New York Times, and The Guardian
NPR’s “Books We Love for 2023”
Forbes’ “Greatest Self-Help Books of All Time”
“Realistic and trustworthy” — InStyle
“This isn’t just another self-help book. It gives us a clear-eyed look at the way social systems drain our energy, and a concrete set of principles to rely on as we declare independence from these systems.” —Martha Beck, New York Times bestselling author of The Way of Integrity
“This book is for anyone who’s ever removed a ‘relaxing’ sheet mask only to realize it hasn’t transformed you so much as your trash can.” —Jessica DeFino, The Unpublishable
From women’s mental health specialist and New York Times contributor Pooja Lakshmin, MD, comes a long-overdue reckoning with the contradictions of the wellness industry and a paradigm-shifting program for practicing real self-care that will empower, uplift, and maybe even start a revolution.
You may have noticed that it’s nearly impossible to go even a couple days without coming across the term self-care. A word that encompasses any number of lifestyle choices and products—from juice cleanses to yoga workshops to luxury bamboo sheets—self-care has exploded in our collective consciousness as a panacea for practically all of women’s problems.
Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin finds this cultural embrace of self-care incomplete at best and manipulative at worst. Fixing your troubles isn’t simple as buying a new day planner or signing up for a meditation class. These faux self-care practices keep us looking outward—comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection. Even worse, they exonerate an oppressive social system that has betrayed women and minorities.
Real self-care, in contrast, is an internal, self-reflective process that involves making difficult decisions in line with our values, and when we practice it, we shift our relationships, our workplaces, and even our broken systems.
In Real Self-Care, Lakshmin helps readers understand what a real practice of caring for yourself could—and does—look like. Using case studies from her practice, clinical research, and the down-to-earth style that she’s become known for, Lakshmin provides a step-by-step program for real and sustainable change and solace. Packed with actionable strategies to deal with common problems, Real Self-Care is a complete roadmap for women to set boundaries and move past guilt, treat themselves with compassion, get closer to themselves, and assert their power. The result—having ownership over one’s own life— is nothing less than a personal and social revolution.
From the Publisher
Publisher : Penguin Life (March 14, 2023)
Language : English
Hardcover : 288 pages
ISBN-10 : 0593489721
ISBN-13 : 978-0593489727
Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
Dimensions : 5.75 x 1.03 x 8.51 inches
by Sarah K Peck
Honest advice for women’s mental health, no B.S. â from a real psychiatrist
I first met Dr. Pooja Lakshmin when I saw her article about burnout and betrayal (the Primal Scream in the New York Times). A lightbulb went off when I realized that I was internalizing so much about how I wasn’t able to do it all as a mother, wife, business owner, writer, and person in the world. Between having two young kids in the pandemic and trying to start my own business, I was exhausted, sometimes frozen, angry, and often in tears.Ever since, I’ve followed her writing and work on instagram, where she shares wisdom around women’s mental health from a psychology perspective. Honestly, I feel RELIEF when I read what she’s writing! This book has been a brilliant follow-up to her work across the web. Being burned out and feeling betrayed by broken systems is real. But what do you DO about it? Is there any antidote or solution?It turns out, if you’re wishing for a vacation or you’re fantasizing about escape… well, that’s a sign that your current life is likely burning you out. Instead of buying the next fancy retreat or spa package (those are delightful, don’t get me wrong!)âshe recommends you start with her four-part framework.Pooja writes about where our individual agency comes in: what can we do about this, and what’s within our control? This is the delicate dance of self care.She also shares the history of self-care and where the idea comes from (it was a mental health term often for institutionalized folks, and it was revolutionized by Black women in different movements before it’s been co-opted today as a thing that you can purchase, buy, or sell). I appreciate this full history.I got a chance to review an early copy of this book (I’m a podcaster, and I interviewed her for my show)âand I also purchased my own copy of this book. Here’s what I got from the book:So how do we do self-care in an overwhelming world? Her framework brings alignment between your values and what you can do, and highlights where you might be misaligned. I’ll share a few sneak peeks without giving it all away:1 â How to know what’s yours, how to create space between you and the people you care about, how to define what belongs to someone else (guess what word she uses for this first step?)2 â How to develop a new relationship with your mind (her insights on A&C therapy and how she describes psychological flexibility I found so cool). This is a more advanced psychological concept and I appreciate the depth here; it’s not superficial.3 â How to identify what really matters to YOU, what brings you energy. She has a specific tool called the self-care compass which is a great framework (and I like having it next to my desk at work).4 â How to regain power and agency. For me, regaining your sense of control is HUGE in self-care, and she explains where and how you can claim your power.For women especially, but also men need this too (boundary work is HARD for all). Also, her opening story about joining a cult? Riveting.Buy this book, it’s well-written, easy to read, and important to act on.
by Reb G
Must-Read for Women and Moms
This book is excellent and such a refreshing and necessary read! Thank you for reminding me what REAL self-care is!
by BookLoverFromCO
3.5 stars
In Real Self-Care, the author does an excellent job of articulating a number of issues that lead people â especially women â to poor wellbeing. I appreciate her willingness to dive into the personal, interpersonal, and systemic problems and help readers understand what true self-care means. However, that’s about it. She doesn’t offer nearly enough tangible, practical strategies to escape all this dysfunction, and the book becomes very repetitive as it goes on. I’m rounding up to 4 stars out of gratitude for what this book does well, but it leaves quite a bit to be desired.
by Mary
An authentic and effective book!
Since the pandemic, having two kids, and balancing work, I’ve made a small habit out of reading ‘self help’ books and memoirs focusing on women struggling to find balance and authenticity in our current age. Real Self-Care by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin really stands out amongst the genre for many reasons:1) The author has the credentials AND lived experience. Her training and expertise is clear, but it isn’t prescriptive, she approaches the audience with kindness and compassion. It’s akin to a therapy session with a professional who works with women frustrated by our current systems, which is exactly who Dr. Lakshmin is! Also Dr. Lakshmin provides touching and very real personal experiences that help her relate to the reader.2) There are activities to think about and work on as you read, which force the reader to be more than a passive participant. This is not meant to be binged, but returned to as a guide. She also provides help on locating professional mental health experts, a huge hurdle for many people.2) Real Self-Care identifies, correctly, that this isn’t all about changing your perspective and journaling away the negative thoughts. We have and continue to face major, seemingly insurmountable issues as a society. This books acknowledges how these problems can be very specific (workplace conflict) as well as very general (gender and race-based pay discrimination). Not everything can be resolved over night, but the book provides a roadmap to approaching these large problems from a place that is true to you.Highly recommend! Am planning to give as gifts for many friends/family members!
by Becca North
Interested in cultivating greater well-being? Read this book.
Dr. Lakshmin offers powerful comfort and a meaningful challenge, a call to action, as she describes the state of self-care as it is and how she thinks it can be. She illuminates the ways that systemic issues in our society are manifesting as personal problems for individuals. Her penetrating insights resonate, reveal, and soothe; they also provoke reflection and motivate action. For example, her discussion of how setting boundaries with othersâand with oneâs selfâis vitally important for well-being is fresh, incisive, and encouraging. Her discussion of self-compassion, including her guidance to take a close at the way we talk to ourselves, is too. Relatedly, I love what she wrote about how the way we travel, so to speak, as we pursue a goal affects the way we feel when we arrive: âIf you donât learn how to speak to yourself with respect, kindness, and nurturing, then when you arrive at your destinationâwhether that is finishing writing a book or showing up at a friendâs partyâyou will be on your last legs. You donât need to have a cruel inner critic to get things doneâ¦The truth is that you can be trained to respond to a kind voice too. It is worth the risk to give yourself permission to pay less attention to the inner criticâ (p. 144). For anyone who is interested in cultivating greater well-being for themselves and/or society as a whole, I highly recommend this book!
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by BDH
Real Self-Care by Pooja Laxmin is a refreshing take on self-help books that are often too generic or preachy. As someone who usually avoids such books, I was pleasantly surprised by the clarity, honesty, and practicality of this one.One of the strengths of Real Self-Care is that it doesn’t pretend to have all the answers or to be a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, Pooja Laxmin acknowledges the complexity of self-care and the different challenges that women (and men) face in taking care of their mental health. She also distinguishes between real self-care, which involves intentional and sustainable practices that enhance one’s well-being, and faux self-care, which can be superficial, temporary, or even harmful.The book is structured in a way that makes it easy to follow and apply the advice. Each chapter covers a specific aspect of real self-care, such as setting boundaries, managing stress, practicing gratitude, and cultivating self-compassion. Within each chapter, Pooja Laxmin offers clear explanations, relevant examples, and practical tips, often backed up by research and her own clinical experience. The language is accessible and engaging, without being overly simplistic or patronizing.What I appreciated most about Real Self-Care is the emphasis on seeking professional help when needed and the guidance on how to do so effectively. Pooja Laxmin acknowledges that self-care is not always enough and that some mental health issues require the expertise and support of trained professionals. She also provides a helpful checklist of what to look for in a therapist or counselor, including credentials, specialties, and personal fit.Overall, Real Self-Care is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to improve their mental health and well-being in a realistic and compassionate way. While it may resonate more with women, I believe that men can also benefit from the insights and strategies offered in the book. Whether you’re a seasoned self-helper or a skeptic like me, give Real Self-Care a chance and see how it can make a difference in your life.
by Birdie
Very informative and practical
by Gems
I am disappointed in that this book is not anything new